


Nightingale in a Golden Cage - Unmasked

by Eluvian



Category: Alice Through the Looking Glass, Alice in Wonderland - Fandom
Genre: Destroyed Ship, Dreams, Dreams vs. Reality, F/M, Looking Glass, Music, New Ship - Ceremony, Romantic Relationship, Storm - Freeform, Tea, dance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 07:11:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13898949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eluvian/pseuds/Eluvian
Summary: Alice's ship gets into a storm, and she has to flee. Of course, she flees through a looking glass, where she meets one of her friends who had said that they would only meet in memories...





	Nightingale in a Golden Cage - Unmasked

It was a very stormy night. But Alice didn’t know it in advance. No matter that her mother told her they should rather stay away from the sea. ’Just till sunset, please’, she pleaded, and her mother looked into her huge eyes glimmering with passion, and said, ’Alright, but be on your guard, captain.’

The problem was that they didn’t see the sun. Dark, silvery shades covered the whole horizon, rain was pouring from the sky’s huge throat which seemed to be waiting to devour the tiny little object floating on the surface of the huge mass of water.

Alice found it fascinating. Until she could no longer feel the directions and didn’t feel solid wood under her feet.

Suddenly something crashed and the crew started to shout words she did not understand, because she heart a totally different voice. ’Mirror. Alice, quickly! You’re late!’

 _What? **I’m** late? That’s weird…’ _Her eyes searched, but she was already running down the stairs towards her quarters. Her mother collided with her, she told that water was pouring in. ’Do something, dear!’

’I am, mum, just let me go!’

She knew the only place where she could find help. From the distance she heard a desperate voice of a crew member asking who was she talking to, but she didn’t pay attention, since she was late.

She rushed through the door, panting, and looked at the standing mirror with beautiful, delicately ornamented frames which stood next to the table where she would write her log every night. ’Oh, thank I-don’t-know-who, it isn’t broken.

She heard a distant muffled voice through the wavy material of glass. It faded away, but was repeated again and again. _„Alice, Alice, your name is a myth…”_ Then something about necklace, but the cries coming from all around her were too loud to concentrate. She didn’t hesitate, she followed the melody. She tried to keep her eyes open while crossing the gateway. It worked. She didn’t know how, but….

She arrived, or rather fell on somebody with her body and clothes soaked in water. She attempted to regain her breath, heart pumping wildly. All the colours were vivid and there was no sign of a storm of any kind, no water, no catastrophe. She climbed off the Hatter with something resembling a blush on her face, although her cheeks were almost blue from freezing cold sea water.

She looked at him with wide eyes and said the first thing that came to her mind. ’The painting on your face started to wash off.’

 

’Really?’

’Yes.’ She felt she should probably say something else.’Oh. Sorry. Hi. By the way, I didn’t mean to soak everything in water, but I didn’t really have a choice.’ She looked around. _Where am I? Home. Most certainly home. Not mine, his._

’It’s salty water.’

’Yes.’ _Wait, how does he know?_ ’There way… there is a storm.’ She suddenly gasped. ’My mother. And the others… oh.’ Remembrance shook her and a shady mist covered her eyes. Something that her mind blocked int he last minutes became clear. She was silent for a long while as the images were vibrating inside her.

She had been staring out of a window, when that horrible cracking sound had been heard. The sea’d been pouring in, she had not ran into her mother, she had not ran into anybody, because there was nobody on the ship anymore. She’d been watching the boats sail away in the nonexistent sunset. A woman had buried her face in her hands. _Mum._ She realized. _They haven’t found me. They thought I was lost, or in the water, or… They left me here. There._ Shocked. Lost.

’What’s wrong, Alice?’ Hands warmed on her shoulders and suddenly all that had happened on that ship seemed like a dream. Caring, shiningly green eyes were entwined with hers.

’No… Nothing. Well, not nothing.’

’ I thought so. You should change.’

’I hope you mean my clothes. And not my personality.’ How could she joke at a time like this? She had no idea. She blamed it on the Hatter’s effect. When he was around, nobody could stay unhappy. Except when he… well…

He was throwing things out of his wardrobe. Alice only saw that plenty of colours and shapes landed on the floor, many of them she wouldn’t have been able to define or decide what kind of clothes they could be names in her world.

’You really don’t mind if I wear the clothes you have?’

’I would mind if you caught a cold.’

Alice stared into the coldness and darkness in her mind. She immediately felt an irresistible urge to shake. ’I think I already have…’

’Poor Alice.’ He kept on shaking his head with each and every piece of clothing he saw.

’Listen, anything will be alright, I just don’t want to freeze.’

’Of course, of course.’ At that moment a blue dress appeared with little and bigger black and white roses. ’Wow.’ She couldn’t help saying. ’That’s… beautiful one. How come you have something like that?’

The Hatter’s blush was somewhat visible just in the small spot where his face missed his usual whiteness. ’You can never know when will a lady need a dress after just escaping a storm.’

 _Sure. Alright, I won’t push._ She raised her eyebrows in doubt, but said nothing. Until she realized something was weird. There was only the two of them in the house. In the hat. Int he hat-house.

’Where is your family?’ She felt the gust of fear that what had happened had only been a dream, a work of her imagination and he didn’t even have his family back.

’They are away on a fair.’ There was some sadness in his voice, but  it seemed as if it didn’t concern the family, but something else.

’Ah.’

’They had been way a lot lately. Missed all this… movement and surge and everything happening int he world. They wanted to see what has changed.’ He saw Alice shaking. ’Oh. You should…’

’Would you please…?’

He was already out of the room.

She sank into the calmness of the empty chamber – of empty, full of memories and colours, scent, and let alone it felt like it was hers in a way. Her room, her place, her little corners as a child to play. She took a little too long to rest her eyes on the objects and outside of the window she let her wight wander off into the distance. How far could you fall down from here…

She cleared her throat and got out of her wet coat, blouse and trousers. She put them on the floor and said  'Sorry' again, then for a while she admired herself int he mirror. _Madness. I escape a  storm through a mirror and arrive to the Hatter’s Hat and the sun is shining and while my family probably thinks I am dead, or will be, I am standing in front of his mirror and looking at myself in my underwear._   She laughed.

’Is everything all right?’ she heard from outside, and, startled, stepped into the fascinating blue dress right away.

’Sure. Totally perfect.’ She smiled at her reflection, or rather grinned. The dress was also wonderful, she sighed and gazed at ti with a curious look. _What is your story?_  But the finely smelling, sky-coloured material did not answer.

She stroked it with her hands and then smelled her hands, shivering at the thought that probably for years it has been there, or months, among the other ones the Hatter wore every day. _Where can you buy clothes like these?...Maybe you just need luck in the fairs._

She stroked her arms covered in goosebumps and walked to the window. Heat waves of March or April or even June or some nonexistent season warmed her skin and soul pleasantly. It was so different.  _Am I really here? Or I am lying somewhere on the shore, catching a terrible cold, or maybe I am already delirious and feverish and dying, or Am I already dead? No? I can’t be. Nothing would e happening to me if I were dead._

’Can I come in?’

’Oh, yes, of course… sorry, I’m a little…’ she motioned with her hands something without meaning, which was exactly how she felt.

’Sit down. Or lie down, whatever you wish, I’ll make some tea… and… Oh my, you’re beautiful!' In his smile there was pride so much pride that Alice couldn’t find out the reason. She only blushed. She was able to now, with this warmth, which seemed to hold her in a soft embrace.

’Thank you. But your face still…’

’Excuse me a moment.’ He walked to the corner of his room, where stood a bowl full of water. Now she knew why it was there.

His motions were fast and wild and awkward as he washed his face from the whiteness and redness. Alice stumbled to the bed and slowly sat down. She took deep breaths, devouring the whole essence of peace, these new sensations coincided with the memories she already had of this place.

She watched him with an excited look, but not much was visible yet, only his hands covered in colours, the mixture of red and white, like drops of blood on pure snow, creating a pinkish colour. Red roses, white roses, pink rose.

'Do you think that is how pink roses came to being?’, she asked, not caring that obviously he did not hear her thread of thought.

’What do you mean?’

’From the red and white roses.’

’Hm.’ His voice was muffled. ’I haven’t thought about it yet. It is a fantastic idea, Alice.'

He looked up. She realized that she had never seen him like this. His face was still pale but without the forceful contrasts, his eyes still gleamed like fireflies int he night, and all of him seemed more… natural. And afraid. No, that was not real fear that she was, but maybe a strange form of shame. Being like that was as strange for him as it was for her.

’Am I different?’

’No, you’re not… different. I mean, you’ve always been  this way, only.. covered.’ She shivered and felt some illness build up in her.

’Oh yes. Tea!, he remembered.

Alice smiled.  ’No you’re not different.’

Hatter smiled too, his lips naturally red only with blood. 'I can call some company too if you like.’

’I have company.’ She shouted out of the room, because he already left.

 He was back in a minute. ’Black tea with cinnamon and orange flavour, is that all right?’

’Perfect. I didn't know you also have orange here.’

’Mirrors do not change the image so much.’ He smiled. ’Feel yourself at home.’

’Thank you, but I should… I really should return to… home. Not that I don’t feel homey, but… _should I tell.._  I think they… they think I died.

The green eyes disappeared for a moment due to a blink. ’Why would they think that?’

’In the storm, our… my father’s ship…’ Her lungs felt surprisingly heavy and her nose and eyes started to hurt, she felt she was going to cry. ’Water was pouring in, it must have sunk, the ship must have been destroyed… ’ She stared in front of herself. It seemed so far away, but it was real… yes, father’s dead but it was all that remained of him… oh no.

The man tried to show compassion but it was visible that her loss meant nothing to him, he only saw that she was sad and tried to change it. ’But your family is safe?’  
’Yeah.. my family basically means my mum, but yes. She is safe. But she think I’m dead…'

Some tears appeared in the corner of her eyes ad not exactly knowing what to do, they poured down on her cheeks. She didn't really feel pain. She didn't know what she felt.

 _Not belonging._ A finger touched her face but she kept her eyes closed.

’Get under the blanket, it must be cold here.’

’But it's your bed.’

’I know. Thank you for reminding me.’

’But I should go back…’, she insisted.

’You're not going anywhere until you get better.’

’You sound like my mom… ’ she sobbed a little and climbed awkwardly under the warm blanket, feeling like a lost child who finally, finally found a nice, safe, homey place. _I don't want to ho back, not like that, not now, its so much different here, I want to make them understand, they will think I am insane, I lost my father’s ship, I lost my virtue, pride, fortune and respect if I ever had any… If mum sees me she’ll think I am a ghost, maybe she’ll get scared and hush me away…_ ’ She thought in desperation, then realized that she said is all out loud. It was much easier to talk here, and much harder to keep your thoughts a secret.

He sat on the bed and told her to sit up for just a moment. He hugged her to his chest, and she listened to his rhythmical heartbeat. Warm and calm. She was young here, always young, but a child-hero, irrelevantly strong. Paradoxical.

He started singing something that sounded so familiar _. ’Alice, Alice, your name is a myth, Your hair, golden lace, Golden necklace, Dire desire, blue, shiny sapphire, eyes like mirror, do not disappear.’_ The missing parts melted into their place, now she understood the whole lyrics.

’It was you!’

’Who else could it be? You arrived in my house through that mirror.’

’Logical. Hm. Are all mirrors like this?’

’I don't know. I think only the important ones.’

’How do you decide if a mirror is important or not?’

’If someone needs to go somewhere, then they will be able to. Of course, arriving exactly where they want to is not so easy.’

’Could there be a code for them?’ She started thinking. And she was not crying, sad or depressed, she was phylosophizing, which was the best of all. She had to laugh. ’If only they wouldn’t look at me as an idiot, I would play hide and seek with the children. Hm… Rather not. They could turn up in any mirror of… I don’t know what to call this place anymore. But  it could be dangerous. Sorry, I’m babbling again.'

’I don’t mind.’

’I am rude, I didn’t even ask… you know, polite questions.’

’Then ask.’

’What’s happened since I left?’

The Hatter was still strange with his pure face. Naked. Uncovered. Unhidden. There were emotions on his face that she had never seen before. Was it a coincidence, or…?

’There was a ball.’ He said it without any delight.

’What? I missed a celebration?’

’For my family…’

’And you mention it only now?’

’You should have seen it. Not as in "It was so nice, it would have been good for you to come”, but as in "It was bad because you were not there. You should have come to make it whole. Does it make sense?"

’Oh… I’m… sorry.’ She blushed, not knowing if she was to feel proud or hurt...

’You shouldn’t be, and I shouldn’t be saying this. So forgive me, for I am hurting you intentionally.’ He seemed confused.

’Don’t say that.’

’But I must. You can’t rip yourself apart and be here and there at the same time.’

 _Thank you for the reminder._ The blue dress, the sunlight… as if it has existed no more. Only the problem she could see, and not even turning her head to the wall would hide her from it.  Something inside her asked: _Since when do we say something is impossible?_

’You said yourself that…’

’That we shall meet in memories, yes.’ She closed her eyes.’ But memories don’t know things. Memories don’t look like you do now, they don’t smile and come up with new ideas. They don't change, they don't do new things... unexpected things...

Before she could react or answer, suddenly a white rabbit jumped int he window. Gasping. ’Oh my, I am not late for tea, am I?’  
’Tea, oh, god.’

Fort hat moment, Alice was very angry with that white rabbit.

 

*******

 

The rabbit jumped onto her laps, and she hugged him like a child’s toy. She could have hugged everything here like that right now.

’Hatter, I have to ask you something.’ She said when they were alone again. She could still feel the taste of tea in her mouth.

’Then ask.’

’Please, when I leave, don’t… please, just… remain yourself.’ She looked at him and realized the absurdity of her words.

’And who might that be, dear Alice? Who is myself?’

The words felt like a dark chain in her stomach. ’What do you mean?’ She tried to prolong the pain. Or rather the lack of it.

’You know.’ She closed her eyes. She was angry with the smelly flowers, the animals for being so cute, the sun for shining. All the beauty she couldn’t have.

’You’re yourself. I am not to decide who you are.’ Her heartbeat was fast, as if it were running away from something.

’But if this is your dream… I can be whoever you want me to be. You can change me into whatever you wish.’

’I don’t want to change you.’

’Why not? Am I already perfect? What your mind created when you were young? Is itt he same thing that you want to see now?’

Afraid. Terrified. Doubtful. _I want you to already be the person I want you to be. I don't want to... have to tell you what to be. I want you to be the right person. Just like that._ ’You are not yourself.’

’I am trying to make you understand.’

’Well, you’re not really helping.’ Her voice was angry as it has never been here, in this place… His face, it was so different. Not the same man she has known for such a long time. Not the same. More, less? Different? Understand what? _That I am mad? How would that help?_

She was surprised that the sky haven’t turned black and an ominous music was not yet heart. Birds chirping. Not exactly ominous. Though the silence she seemed to drown in did seem ominous.

’Why are you like this? What do you want from me?’ She tried to wake up, but had no idea how to concentrate on it. How could you grab the fabric of reality if you were not sure which part you were in?

’What do _you_ want from _me_?’ Blurred images. She answered with her thoughts, her desperate look. Memories. ’Yourself.’

The world was falling apart, invisibly. She felt the urge to cry but not like before. The very foundation of what she used to find the only certain point in her life was being shattered. She wanted to run and hide.

’Then you must only see.’

’See what?’

’Me.’

What has changed? What’s wrong? Something certainly is. She tried to think. Her accident with the ship. _I’m dying. Or dead. Must be. These are not normal thoughts._ Sadness in her eyes. Harsh, uninnocent sadness. She did not recognize his face. The whole figure who wanted to make everyone happy was gone.

She felt the faded touch of cold glass. For a seemingly long moment she thought she would dash against it, the gateway would be closed and she would be caged, but no… She felt. Somewhere.

 

She tried to adjust her senses to the world. She could open her eyes. It was cold, very cold. And wet. She whined out of discomfort and clenched her fist. It seemed so unreal to be able to move.

She was lying on the shore. For minutes she just stared at the sky. The storm was over. She saw the stars on the sky. And a purplish blur at the edge of the horizon. Dawn? _Am I alive?_ When she sat up and looked at herself, she saw that her clothing was covered in sand, but it was not the worst thing.

She was wearing the blue dress.

She stumbled to the first civilised settlement she found, shaking and half-sobbing, and thought that if someone found her now, she would not even now her name. But eventually she remembered... her name was a myth.

A fisherwoman found her and provided food and shelter for her, she offered her tea but she said no thanks. The kind woman insisted, so eventually she gave in. The tea was bitter and far too hot, but she didn’t mind.

’Thank you so much, but I will have to get back to my family’, she said, and promised that after she was home, she would come back later with payment.

’No need for that, darling.’

At home her family greeted her with more gratitude and outburst she expected ever to feel. She couldn’t say what she felt. She closed herself in, her smile was like that of an actress who is far too tired of her role. Her mind was a dark palace with black stone walls and corridors she always got lost in.

She had to concentrate on material issues, though. She didn’t want their company to fail, but the ship was lost. A new one needed to be found. She knew it would never be the same, and thus she rejected her mother’s idea, that is, to name the new ship also Wonder. But so far she couldn’t come up with a proper name. Her thoughts were… not oriented towards naive hope now, but ambition. The realistic world felt strange at first, but later on she enjoyed the success.

Something was missing though. A little, odd, irritating factor that despite the fact that no one said it out loud and clear, she knew that at least her family expected her to get married. Again. And it wouldn’t cease, this expectation.

 _Why can’t they believe that the fact that I want to wait does not mean I want to die alone and without any children?_ Previously she convinced herself that it was because she wanted to remain a child. But now she didn’t feel at all childish. _Can a mother, an adult, an old person remain a child too? Will I ever become a mother?_ She could not imagine the opposite. But she couldn’t imagine being a mum either.

Finding a ship was not easy, but it could be completed within a month. It cost quite a fortune, but Alice thought it would be worth it. She watched her every day, she was beautiful, and especially when decorated for her "opening ceremony.” Although the word "ceremony” still had an unpleasant ring to her, it was to be held one week later. She – ironically – decided to wear the blue dress, she hesitated until that day, but eventually she put it on, regardless of what her mind told her.

It was not easy to explain the dress to her mum in the first place. She said she got it from a friend, but when asked what kind of friend, she could only answer "He’s not from around here.”

 

Her hair was in two braids like that of a young girl. She was sitting beside her mum, waiting for the actors to perform. It was to be a surprise for both of them, her mum didn’t have the time to organize the whole ceremony, neither did Alice, that is what professional people were good for…

She was silent and her smile was fragile, a little artificial, and she wanted to go home.

 _But where is home?_ She wanted to lie down and rest _. But where do I go in my sleep?_ Echoes disturbed her thoughts and the curtains were finally drawn.

She didn’t believe her eyes. It was him. He wore a mask, a red and white mask with a clownish grin on it, which resembled his unusual outlook so much that it was more than shocking, but it wasn’t his face, no organic material. Her heart pounded aggressively in her chest. He danced, his legs and arms twisted into unimaginable and impossible directions, the audience laughed and clapped and cheered, all over voices of success could be heart. It was only her that was sitting silently, eyes wide open, staring at the stage.

After the comical music was over, the musicians at the edge started a more classical melody, worthy of a waltz in a decorated hall, a ballroom, and with an elegant, yet leisurely gesture he threw away his mask and there he stood, with his red hair, blue coat, uncovered face.

’Are you alright, darling?’, her mum turned towards her, shaken out of her flow of entertainment, realizing that her daughter was sitting next to her like a person turned to stone.

’I’m… not sure.’

’You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. Would you like some air? I can-’

’No, mum, I’ll be alright… Besides, we’re in the first row.’ That wouldn’t have been much of a problem, but she was unable to flee again. She knew it was not an option. It would have been a craven act, unworthy of all those words she’s said to him… and not a solution.

’You, young lady, seem well-dressed for a dance. Would you be so kind as to accompany me?’

’Alice, he’s asking you.’

’What?!’

’Go up, come on!’ She looked at her mum, like she only just told her to jump into a well. ’Have some fun, darling, if you have the chance!’

Before she could process the information, her legs were carrying her up to the stage. She wondered if his smile was really for her, and what it said. She deleted every emotion from her face. She was afraid. Confused. Terrified. Ashamed.

The song awakened blue seas and skies, neverending voyages. Her eyes shone like pearls on that sea, she forgot the crowd that was watching them, her blue eyes became that blueness which felt like it could defeat everything that was to come.

Forever dawn. That’s what she would call her, she decided, for that would be the perfect justification of hope.

Memories appeared in her mind, crying, echoes of the past and future. The soft touch of the musician’s hands on the violin made her heart burst out into the most beautiful song imaginable.

She watched him and realized how he had changed. His mask was his reality, the unusual way of showing himself, the bottom of his heart. Alice felt like a princess, one part of the young girl of her childhood, which she still was, the princess in a beautiful dress, the princess who fights, the princess, who is a hero.

The princess who has a companion.

The music slowed down. She could barely keep her balance, gravity was something not quite fitting into the surreal clouds of her mind. She clinged onto his body to be able to remain on her feet, her hands sinfully colliding with his body, and her senses stirred up like a warning. You’re on foreign seas. The barrier was so hard to defeat.  
The next song was about a girl whose man went to war and never came back, and she waited during her whole life for him. Until their ghosts met and they left this world forever.

Glimmering romance, tragedy. It was never really her stile, but it touched her so deep that she felt teardrops in her eyes. She did not realize that now almost everybody around her was dancing, their feet tapping on the wooden floor and their dresses caressing the air after one another. The the two of them were int he centre of the moving mass of people.

After a while, after hours, when everyone grew tired, and the music ended, it still lingered in her ears. The magic did not end, it was just a seed planted that would grow into a wondrous, blooming flower.

Her mother congratulated them both, and Alice felt the love radiating from her. But she wanted to hide, dig away these emotions deep somehow, protected where no one could find them, and she would be able to go back and examine them later, decide what they really mean.

Nevertheless, she did not have the chance.

Hatter asked her to walk with her. This was enough of an excuse to be alone. Because they needed that, she felt, but for that exactly, she did not know.

The wind sang songs as it caressed the leaves of the trees around them. He held her by her hand and she felt the flow of blood in his fingers. She wanted to say something, since it felt like the trap she has read about so many times, the trap of silence. Although it didn’t feel like something wrong. It felt safe, maybe that was the catch. But she did not want to ruin these moments by protesting, out of pure stubbornness.

’It’s so peaceful out here’, he said.

’You’d make a good Englishman.’

’Why?’

’We talk a lot about weather. It’s a cliché.’

’Cliché is not an English word.’

’No, it’s not.’

A few more steps in the dewy grass. She took off her shoes, the watery green touched her feet and she sighed. She felt free and beautiful and… satisfied. Free. Close to nature. She wanted to remain in this world, but she knew she eventually had to wake u... oh wait. She was in real life.

Could it be that she found the real peace she was looking for? Right here?

’Thank you’, he said, he, the world she brought to life, and her chest started to burn. There could only be one question. ’For what?’

’You know.’

’Yes. But you know, we like to hear.’

  
’Then I shall talk till morning, Alice.’

She smiled and walked back to him. ’It’s good to see you. To actually see you.’ Words which all alone meant so little, but with the soft touch of the music of her soul became a wonderful painting. Her eyes told the whole story of her strife in life.

’I thought you you would be shocked.’

’I was. I was because you let all of them see you, not only me.’

’Now you have answered your question. Partly.’

’So you thank me for that?’

’Of course. And you look beautiful in that dress. And this is not a cliché, because this compliment is more than a compliment.

’Yes.’ She laughed. She felt the bondage of understanding between them. As if they would always know what the other one meant, with just a few words.

As they kissed each other, her ship's monumental figure stood proudly in the background, which they did not see, but if somebody would be looking at them right now, from the perspective of one particular rose bush...

Part of her was somehow imagining she was sensing reality partly from out of her body. She was everywhere, in space and time, and she thought that was what peace really meant. Not the lack of action, but harmony.

She, inside, smiled with pride. She saved her dreams and memories. She knew she could find the treasure while swimming against the stream.


End file.
